Once upon a time, Nicole and I were discussing a frustrating interaction she had with a colleague.

The details are wholly unimportant because the conversation ended with us deciding that about 50% of the “facts” that were informing how she felt about this interaction were actually assumptions or projections.

I offer this up to you because Nicole isn’t alone in the practice of filling in informational gaps with her own garbage. 

I do it like I’m trying to turn pro. 

Every one of my clients does it. 

I’d bet large sums of money that you do it too.

This is fascinating to me, because I’m convinced most of us KNOW we’re doing it. 

Having a “completed” picture of the circumstance – even if it’s mostly built on assumptions – seems to be more desirable to us than asking probing questions to actually fill in the gaps with information.

The next time you are describing a vexing interaction to a friend or partner, note the number of times you say, “I feel like,” because whatever you say next is an assumption you are treating like a fact.

Instead of settling for a grossly inaccurate analysis of a given circumstance, you can choose to acknowledge and pursue the missing information or, at the very least, recognize that much of what you are feeling is a fiction you have contrived, and treat it as such.
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