No one really wants you to change

Change scares people

Don’t wait for the people you work with, go to church with, or socialize with to want to help you change for the better. That’s almost never going to happen. It’s not that they don’t care about you or want you to fail, but it’s not in their best interest for you to get better. (Even if it really is)

People like the you they know because they understand how to deal with you. They pretty much know what to expect from you and they are comfortable with how you fit into the hierarchy of their world. Most folks like to know the proclivities of the people around them and when you start to meddle with those tendencies as a means to improve yourself, or the world, it can make them more than a little uncomfortable.

It’s reasonable to assert that when you change for the better you actually benefit the people in your community. That makes a ton of sense and it seems like everyone around you should be on board with that, but remember: not everyone around you is great like you. When you change for the better you are, at once, unsettling their comfortable view of you and threatening the status quo that they hold so dear. When you get better it may be expected that they get better, which is terrifying for many of the people around you.

You may be fortunate enough to have other remarkable people close by who will encourage you to get better and who relish the idea that you might raise the bar for everyone. These people are gold! But don’t wait for someone to approve of your choice to get better or make things better because, for the most part, people just want you to stay the same.

2 Comments on “No one really wants you to change”

  1. This is very true – a reason that one often loses “friends” when they change their habits. You’re all no longer on the same page. This is a good way to find out who your true friends are, though, Oftentimes even your seemingly best of friends actually don’t want you to change. Not that they don’t want you to improve yourself, but they don’t want you to change who you are to THEM. Good thought provocation, Geoff!

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