Have you ever intersected with an idea that instantly and fundamentally changed how you operate?
They are likely few and far between, but I can say with complete certainty that the song “Grudges” by Paramore changed my marriage for the better.
In the first verse, singer Hayley Williams poses a couple fascinating questions to someone in her life:
“Are you recounting all my faults? And are you racking your brain just to find them all?”
When I heard those words I was immediately struck by how often my wife could be asking the same questions of me.
Gross.
This woman is my favorite person on the planet and yet I’m perpetually ready to highlight the handful of things that frustrate me about her. What is that about?
Those two little questions really opened my eyes to how easy it is to crush intimacy and trust by choosing to repeatedly highlight what bothers you about someone.
As a developmental leader, you have the power to influence those you lead for better or worse. The things you choose to highlight will shape how they see themselves and what they believe they are capable of, so choose your words carefully.
This is not to say you shouldn’t address performance issues, but that you should take a constructive approach. Coaches don’t view substandard performances by their players as an opportunity to kick them why they are down. They are looking for ways to lift them up.
Your people will become what you highlight.
OPPORTUNITY FOR ACTION: Who comes to mind as you read this? Consider how you might be contributing to the frustration you are experiencing. Are you creating an environment where they have the greatest opportunity to thrive or does your frustration with them result in greater separation and fewer opportunities to prove you wrong?
My free PDF, “100 Questions for Better 1-1 Meetings,” will help you upgrade the 1-1 conversations with your people so you can easily unearth their hidden potential and uncover valuable insights about your organization. Grab it today!